My head is aching I can’t even move

I can’t work this shift my brain is numb

I can’t move my body I need to go home

My mum picks me up and I brush it off with a smile

I head in home alone for a while

The migraine gets worse my eyes are being pulled from my head

I used the last of my strength to change my clothes and call my girlfriend

I leave the door unlocked

As I wait on the edge of my bed

I feel a squeeze so tight in the back of my neck

It releases and then squeezes again

This happens 5 times

Now I can’t move my head

I’m locked up and stiff

This choke is tight

I’m holding on and not giving up without a fight

My girlfriend runs in she knows somethings not right

She helps me into the car to take me for a ride

We get to emergency

I can’t even walk

I drop to the floor and need to throw up

I can’t lift my head I kneel and wait

My girlfriend runs to get the nurses

I hear yells from beside me

Strangers calling out do you need help!

I can’t even answer no words are coming out

I’m facing the cement

I hear the wheelchair being pushed

Wheels heavy to the floor

My girlfriend is screaming you need to hurry!

I’m carefully lifted and I sit in the wheelchair with my head facing downwards

Im rushed to a bed

My girlfriend tries to best answer all their questions as quick as she can

My mum hurries into emergency

She’s done this many times before, she quickly answers all their questions and holds my hand in a calming nature

I’m super sensitive to the light

My eyes are closed tight

I’m trying to breathe through the pain

They put needles in my arms and fill me up with the floating liquid

I’m still in pain but it feels like I’m floating above my body

It looks like I’m asleep but I’m laying there awake

I hear everyone talking around me but I’m not present

The doctors come in and out

I do a CT scan and come back into the emergency room

After many hours I can begin to speak

I get my mum to message my closest friends and family to tell them what’s going on.

My other girlfriend rushes to the hospital as soon as she hears the news

I try my best to stay calm and fight through the pain..

Frustrations are building as the pain is increasing

Emergency is loud and patients are yelling, you can’t help but get distracted  by the noises

The doctor asks me questions and I begin to answer..

He said the CT scan doesn’t show that I have had a bleed which is good.

I said “Ok wow I couldn’t imagine the pain I would be in if I was having a big bleed” and he quickly replied, “you wouldn’t be in any pain Marissa you would be dead!”

I guess there’s not much to reply back to that.. I awkwardly laughed it off.

But it just shows you that when you’re at the end of the line no matter the struggle God doesn’t want you to be in pain and suffering he takes that pain away from you when he welcomes you into those pearly white gates.. That actually gives me relief. The fear goes away..

The doctor then begins a physical neuro test, he uses his fingertips and sharp tiny needles and soft cotton wool..

I have been wearing a hospital gown and had my legs under the hospital white sheets while I laid in between the hospital steel bars.

I have my two best girlfriends waiting outside my room on the other side of the blue curtain walls.. My mum is standing next to me.

The doctor pulls the sheets and starts his test.. Feel this? Same here? Same there? Can you feel this? Lift your arms, touch your finger tips, turn your head, bend your knees, lift your legs..

I can feel the sense of touch on my face and arms and legs..

But my arms are not lifting up, my neck is not moving to the side, I can’t touch my fingertips..

I try to move my legs, they are moving

No they are not..

I try to wiggle my toes, they are moving

No they are not..

I try to bend my knees and lift my legs

They are not..

I press my lips and roll my eyes in a puzzle

The doctor and my mum are in a confused state they don’t know what to say.. I can see the panic on their faces

Maybe I saw the reflection of my own face

I dropped my face under my cold hospital gown and tears start to roll down my cheeks..

The doctor said he will give me a minute and my mum goes behind the curtain..

She begins to tell my girlfriends patiently waiting.

Thoughts are flowing through my head I’m numb and in shock..

What has just begun.