The Big Day
It’s the first day of May
It’s cold outside
It feels a little icy
This morning is a little grey
As I walk into the school driveway
I chat with my twin sister and childhood girlfriends
We gossip and laugh
Just up the hill all our friends sit in a huddle
We lean on our bags and on each other
We distract ourselves from the time
We just simply enjoy the moment
First day back at term after our holidays
Our heavy school bags have given us even more of a reason to just be kids
We earned these minutes before school starts again
As I sit in the circle
Around my pile of friends
Around our pile of books and bags
I sit with my legs crossed
I suddenly feel a little chill
My neck feels a little strange
The hairs stand up
I feel a little stiff
I sit
I stare
I listen
I listen to my friends
They laugh they giggle
They talk louder and louder
They smile and cheer
I sit
I stare
I’m still
It’s like the breeze took control of me
It’s gone through me
It’s frozen me
I don’t move
I sit
I stare
I’m still
The voice in my head is calm, but stern
“DO NOT MOVE, do not move your neck”
My legs are crossed
My back is straight
My hands and feet are sweating
I sit
I stare
I wait
My neck feels like jelly
It doesn’t feel like my head is attached
If I move my chin forward the slightest
The stack is up
The alarm is on
I am scared but I don’t show it
I sit
I stare
I wait
I’m still
Time is ticking by
The bell will ring soon
I will have to stand up, pick up my bag and head to class
But I’m scared
How will I stay calm
How will I stand
I can’t have everyone notice me
Something is wrong I can feel it in my gut
But I just have to get up
A few minutes pass
No one has realised
I haven’t moved
I haven’t spoken
I don’t even think my lips have curved not even slightly
I have listened well
I haven’t moved my neck
The voice is clear and I am taking it seriously and then the bell rang